Care for a large penis and glass of red wine? Try Nigeria. Prefer beer and mid-sized cocks? Head to the States. And for smaller dicks and hard liquor, Russia’s your place.

As we noted previously, certain maps of complete bullshit go viral (sorry, there’s no reliable information on the world’s boobs). But our TP research slaves have tracked down the sources for the following maps; after all, this is important. Details on the sources and reliability of each map are provided below them.

In addition to the penis and alcohol maps, I’ve included a very useful map for ordering beer in European languages — including some minority regional languages.

Happy vacation planning!

How big are their penises? 



This map is limited to professionally measured penises from a variety of academic studies; click on the map to get details on the data cited. Since data comes from different sources, consistency in measurement techniques is likely a problem.

Someone has also created a more complete but probably much less accurate penis map combining, in unknown ways, data from both self- and professionally-measured penises. (Self-measured penises are of course much larger.) But even self-measured penises can say a few interesting things about how men see themselves.

What’s their poison?


The map shows the top form in which alcohol is consumed in each country. Information taken from a WHO report; the map is by



How do you say “beer” in Europe?


No source is given but TP’s — ahem — personal experience can confirm the correctness of nearly all of these. The map’s creator is Feòrag NicBhrìde.